Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They don’t stop and ask for directions.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A: Not enough time.
Q: How does a man prove his ability to plan for the future?
A: By buying a case of beer.
Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
Q: When do you care for a man’s company?
A: When he owns it.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They’re married.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don’t know, it’s never happened.
Q: Why are married women heavier than single Women?
A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
This is a Gold house for tourists to feel poor and jealous. The building left 2 tons of gold and has spent 38 million $. I don't know about you... but I'd steal a couple forks or something..
Hello?”
“Hi honey
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy.
She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
After a brief pause,
Daddy says,
“But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do,and he’s upstairs in the room
with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause.
“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy,just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no
clothes on and ran around screaming.Then she tripped over the rug, hit
her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was
all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming
pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week
to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”
